I thought I was getting an early jump on allergies this year with all the dust being stirred up from deep cleaning. Sneezing and watery eyes have been a companion of mine for the last couple of weeks now and so on Wednesday, when my nose started to get stuffy and my throat a little sore, I believed I was heading into full-blown allergy territory. After an extremely fitful night's rest, I awoke on Thursday morning and determined I was past full-blown allergies and into more of a miserable cold. I could deal. By Thursday afternoon it was clear to me that I had gone way past a cold and had ventured into the land of KILL-ME-NOW-BECAUSE-WHATEVER-I-HAVE-IS-GOING-TO-WIPE-OUT-A-SMALL-CITY-AND-EVEN-IF-IT-DOESN'T,-KILL-ME-ANYWAY-'CAUSE-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-FEEL-LIKE-THIS-FOR-ONE-MORE-MINUTE.
I'll spare you the icky details and just say that the bug I have is kinda like the super spiders off of Spiderman and includes such things as allergies, cold, fever, and flu. NOT. FUN. AT. ALL. I didn't know the body could produce so much mucus and in such varied colors. Usually when I'm sick or don't feel good I employ my defense mechanism and simply go to sleep. Sleeping makes it so I don't have to be conscious for the suffering and the passing time. Good plan, huh? Um, yeah, hasn't worked out so well. I've been soooooooooo congested that no amount of air as been allowed to pass through my nostrils for 2 days now. I've filled up a trash can with snotty Puffs Plus Lotion tissues and you'd think after blowing that much mucus out of your head that your wish of breathing through your nose would be granted. No such luck for me, hence I haven't been able to sleep much. I keep waking up every 45 minutes because my head is about to explode bright yellow snot all over the walls. I diffuse the bomb and add another handful of used tissues to the trash. Then I get to lay awake for the next 30 minutes, acutely aware of the time and how miserable I am, and try to sleep again. Play. Repeat. All night long.
On top of it all, I still have to work (the employee who covers for me is out of town) and any medicine I've taken hasn't provided much relief. Oh hey, Relief Society anyone? I could use a casserole, but please, no dairy products 'cause then you'd have to pick up the pieces of my brain from the resulting pressure explosion.
Just shoot me. Please?