Monday, September 8, 2008

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

You wanna know something strange? I'm sitting here hoping with all I have that I start my period TODAY. Yeah. WEIRD. Oh, and you should all hope right along with me because . . . . . . . because I said so. WEIRDER. That is all.

Ok, ok, let me explain. As if I could ask you all to will my female cycle to begin without a good reason, especially when last you heard I'm trying to get a loaf in the oven. Basically I need this test done. And this test can only be administered on days 7-10 of my cycle. So about a month ago I attempted to get this test taken care of, but the attempt was in vain and has only lead me to believe that the people at Southwest Medical Radiology are some of the most INCONSIDERATE SERVANTS OF LUCIFER I'VE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH. Yes I know that is harsh, but I'm PMSing and emotional so I'm allowed a certain level of irrational thinking and I'm not the one who treated them like ABSOLUTE CRAP! Let's just say I haven't had a day that bad in over a year and those (insert expletive) people helped make in possible. After spending a day on the phone with various doctor offices and insurance companies all I had to show for it was a gallon of tears and a five pound bag of anger. To be honest, I FELT A LITTLE JIPPED! Oh and to clarify, Southwest Medical is not who my doctor is with. I know you're all thinking What the caboose is she thinking for choosing to go there in the first place? I'm not that irrational folks. And the only reason I'm going through them at all is that they are the ONLY flippin' people that can provide the test I need under the wing of my $10 co-pay insurance. The alternative is forking out $1000+.

So here we are, a month later, a month wasted. I had my husband call the children of Satan this time because I don't think I could have made it through without hot tears spilling all over my cheeks. This test is all about timing (remember days 7-10?). Last month I was told to call on the first day of my cycle and an appointment would be scheduled. Last month my clock began chiming on a SATURDAY. Last month Southwest Medical Radiology WASN'T OPEN on a Saturday and because I didn't call EXACTLY on the first day of my cycle, they were booked through the 20th which was at least a week after my four day window. Makes a lot of sense huh? HENCE MY ANGER WITH THEM. Well that and the whole treating me like crap thing. Like I wasn't an individual woman who hasn't been able to get pregnant for over a year and just wants to KNOW what the heck is going on with her body, but can't get anything figured out until she gets this test done and YOU'RE BASICALLY TELLING HER YOU DON'T GIVE A @$&%. Yeah, like that. On top of everything they REFUSE to schedule the test UNTIL you have actually started your period. A heap of good it does me since a typical female cycle lasts four weeks which puts me right back to starting on a Saturday. AGAIN. So, to prevent a repeat of last month, my husband came up with the ingenious idea to lie about my start date. "We'll just call them up Friday morning and fib." Um . . . . . . I'm ok with that. We called, told our little lie, and BARELY got an appointment for Monday the 15th (which would be the 10th day if I really did start on Friday). So things are perfect right? I've got the stupid test scheduled, it'll be within the four days, and I made it out minus the tears. SERIOUS PLUS. There is one teensy-weensy, small, minor problem though. IT'S MONDAY MORNING AND THE BLOOD'S NOT FLOWIN' YET! Curse my uterus for choosing this month of all months to be behind. I need to start TODAY or tomorrow at the absolute latest to make my Monday appointment work. If I don't, I'm gonna have to call 'em up and spin a new story about why I can't go through with it. Either that or tell them the truth and we all know that's just not a viable option if I'm going to have any luck rescheduling next month.

Wo unto the liar . . . . .

UPDATE: I'm not pregnant, but I was expecting that anyways. I did start my period late Monday night/Tuesday morning. I've never been so relieved to start a week of cramping, bloated misery.


Those Jones People said...

I'm going to pray that your period doesn't start and that you are already prego!!! I know I'm such an against the grainer. But i'll keep my fingers crossed that if my prayers don't come true that your period will start.

The Monk(eys) said...

Oh I know what helps! Drink Castor oil! Oh wait...thats to induce labor-sorry!

The land of Vegas said...

I was supposed to do some test too (it sounds like that) and had to wait for a period that never came. But I will pray that if you aren't pregnant then you won't get your period over the weekend again. I understand about stupid people and their schedules.