Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Huge, Incredible Change Revealed

Two Sundays ago on the 15th of February my husband Gary attended a seminar about a particular medical school called Ross University. He's been trying to get into medical school for two years now and even though he's applied to many, he's been unlucky in the acceptance department. I HATE THOSE ADMISSION COMMITTEES. But that's a story for a different post, moving on. Gary hadn't submitted his application to Ross yet because he had a lot of questions and concerns about the school and why waste another $100-$200 for them to tell us no too. Gary came home that Sunday night completely taken with this school, we're talking love at first sight. And I was all whoa, this is SERIOUS. Then Gary launched into selling mode and suddenly he was the one giving the seminar describing the school and outlining its many benefits. Red lights and sirens started going off in my head with some chick with a British accent calming saying WARNING, WARNING over and over again. About 20 minutes into his presentation I realized that this might not be an emotional high that would soon pass, he really wanted to do this. So I started bringing up ALL the things we would need to take care of and LEAVE BEHIND if we were to go through with it. Nothing phased him. And then I thought that it would be an appropriate time to bring out the big guns.

"What about your TV? Are you seriously thinking of leaving your baby behind? In STORAGE?! Every last lovable 52" of it? We can't abandon our child. He NEEDS us."

"But babe, they have FOUR patient simulators! Not ONE like most schools, BUT FOUR! Do you know how cool that is? Those things cost upwards of $250,000. EACH!"

WHAT!? That's crazy talk! The TV card didn't work. My husband was farther gone than I expected. So we talked further and I threw out more reasons, concerns, and questions about how and why it wouldn't work and bygum, Gary had an answer for EVERYTHING. There were no loopholes for me to snake through or scriptures to back me up and I was left without a qualifying argument. I came to the realization that I really was OK with attending this school and knew it was the right thing to do, but this girl's got issues with change and that's why I was fighting to keep my world as comfortable as possible, which is silly really. Every change I've gone through I've fought, but once I'm on the other side of it I think man I should have done that FOREVER ago. I'm not sure why I'm such a wimp when it comes to change, but I am getting better, trying to view it as an opportunity for something great to happen because really that's what it is, an opportunity.

Gary started working on his application the very next day and had it completed and submitted by Tuesday afternoon. Thursday morning he received a call from a super nice lady named Melanie asking him in for an interview. Oh and she usually interviews in Denver, but happened to still be in Vegas from the seminar Sunday night. Her plane left in a few hours, "But do you think you could be here in a hour and a half?" Those of you who are familiar with applying to medical school will know that stuff like this never happens. Primary applications are followed by secondary applications which are followed by an interview and then a rejection or acceptance letter (typically rejection) usually over a span of 6-8 months. The speed with which Gary shaved, showered, dressed, and ran out the door would have won him an Olympic gold medal if such an event existed. Who needs Micheal Phelps when you can watch a transformation from drab to fab in 8 minutes flat?

Yesterday Gary received a call from Melanie (note just ONE week after his interview) to inform him that the admissions board of Ross University had arrived at a decision and that they would be pleased to have Gary join their student body this coming semester. I don't know how to describe the feelings that followed that news. Overwhelmed. Relief. Thankful. Scared. I'm gonna pass out now. Any one of the prior adjectives would work. Gary came to visit me at work and we hugged, said "wow" a lot, and stared at each other in dumb disbelief. Then it sunk in a bit more and we realized dude we have A LOT of work to do.

Yes, my hard-working hubby HAS FINALLY BEEN ACCEPTED TO MEDICAL SCHOOL. He will be attending Ross University of Medicine located (here comes the big change part) on the small ISLAND OF DOMINICA in the Caribbean. Oh and guess what? Class starts the beginning of MAY. Like May of 2009. Like May in two months. Like we need to pack up every aspect of our lives, stick 'em in a box, put 'em in storage and hop on a plane in two months May. Yeah, like that. Hence my head exploding.

Now upon learning the location of this school, you may have questions of its credibility and will Gary be able to practice medicine in the U.S. and do they teach advanced curriculum? Believe me, I've already been over this extensively with Gary and he with the Dean of Admissions at the seminar, but to ease your worries a bit I will tell you that this university is fully accredited. They have ties and agreements with hundreds of hospitals in the U.S. and place a high percentage of students in rotations and residencies. In addition one of the top doctors at UMC in Vegas attended Ross University. Because there is the stigma that international schools aren't as good or sophisticated, Ross has gone above and beyond what most U.S. schools provide to prove themselves. Most of their students pass the USMLE and have access to valuable resources while in school. Remember the FOUR patient simulators? I'm not concerned about the quality of Gary's forthcoming education.

What was that? How long are we going to be sipping pina coladas on the beach? Well never for Gary 'cause he'll be in class, but I'll be there for 16 months and then they'll send us back to the states for rotations. I'm very grateful that I won't be stuck on an island for four years. I'm a desert rat, lived in Nevada my entire life and after spending a vacation in Hawaii I was so happy to get back to straight 75 mph freeways and dry air. Hawaii was beautiful and amazing, it just wasn't home. Then again, home includes ridiculous summer temperatures and dead brown scenery. I may not want to come back after 16 months in tropical paradise.

If you want to know more about Dominica, google it. That's what I've been doing and I've discovered that the island is 290 square miles, has 365 rivers and dons the name of "The Nature Isle" due to its unspoiled natural beauty. I've also discovered that Dominica is a "developing country" which is just a euphemism to say that there's not much there. Dominica doesn't support large scale tourism like the other islands of the Caribbean, but is instead for the outdoorsy adventurer or the hundreds of medical students being shipped in every year. Oh and Pirates of the Caribbean 2 & 3 were filmed in Dominica so just about every motel or restaurant has a picture with a cast member and a caption that says "JOHNNY DEPP WAS HERE!"

But what about HURRICANES?! Um . . . yeah, we're not going to talk about that. Besides I'm too busy making lists of all the loose ends we're going to have to tie up to worry about hurricanes. That and I keep having random thoughts like what if they don't have the tampons I use? Janae went to Eucador on her mission and she said they didn't really sell tampons. Am I going to need to pack a 16 month supply of Playtex Gentle Glide? I know, more information than you needed, but I am so worried about them not having popcorn that I'm gonna end up arriving in Dominica with suitcases filled with popcorn and tampons, but forget the basics like my underwear. Gary decided he would head down there a couple weeks early to secure housing and to do some recon to let me know what I would be LIVING WITHOUT for over a year.

In a word . . . . . never mind, there is no one word to effectively describe everything I'm feeling or facing. But I am excited and scared and my mind is completely blown. Everything is happening so fast and I the thought came to my brain that it's all happening so quickly for a reason, being which if I had an extended amount of time to mull this move over in my mind, I probably would never go through with it. Best not to give me the time to agonize over the decision in the first place. The important things in all of this is that Gary is going to realize his dream of being a doctor, we both know that this is the right move for us, and I GET TO EAT FRESH PINEAPPLE EVERYDAY. Excuse me while I jump up and down.

Friday, February 27, 2009

And Then My Head Exploded

The HUGE, incredible change is happening! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!

Tight throat and stomach somersaults multiplied by 347 plus light-headedness thrown into the mix to make things interesting.

More details to follow.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

"Winds of Change"

My throat is tight, my stomach is doing somersaults and the amount of information running through my brain is unreal and if it continues on this path I'm sure it will result in nothing short of a mental break leaving me passive and drooling. A change is coming. A HUGE, INCREDIBLE CHANGE. It's left my head swimming. Life lately has been a lot like my husband sneaking up and scaring the crap out of me only without the relief of realizing that it's just Gary. And I suppose the only one to blame is myself because it seems that I've asked for these situations I've been handed. Not specifically mind you, but generalized and without fully knowing what they would entail. I think Somebody took my words a little too seriously. And my goodness, some things have been incredibly difficult, but I wouldn't trade what I've learned for a do-over, a get-out-of-jail-free card. I'm hoping this coming change will be much the same in that the knowledge, love, adventure and experiences I gain will far outweigh my anxiety of stepping out of my comfort zone. Wait, scratch that, try ROCKET LAUNCHING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE TO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ORBIT. There's no "stepping out" with this change. Stepping out is more appropriate when talking to a stranger or trying a new dish. This isn't like that. I suppose I do have a good measure of relief in realizing that I have Gary launching with me. The comfort that brings is remarkable.

Now that you're all sufficiently curious, no I can't tell you, at least not yet. You see I'm 90% sure that it's going to happen, but there's still that 10% left that will jinx me if I tell. I'm not gonna mess with 10%, especially with that bone in his nose and his voodoo spells. I'll assuage your interest by saying this: when I know, you'll know.

I'm intensely excited but equally, if not more, TERRIFIED. I'm worried that I may need that get-out-of-jail-free card.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Aware of My Derriere

OW! Another injection in my right butt cheek has left me in some discomfort. Yes, there are worse things in life, but by golly it hurts! Sitting is torture and rather ridiculous actually. I transfer my weight to the left cheek and this alleviates the throbbing, but it also looks like I'm opening up the airways to let one go. I've never been so aware of my derriere and how many things I bump into with it or rather things that bump into me. My peaceful slumber last night was interrupted by a shot of pain. A routine kneeing from my darling husband brought me into full consciousness with the strong urge to punch said husband full-on in the face. I grabbed hold of all rational thought possible at 3:00 in the morning and instead of punching I turned over and took my tender behind as far away as I could. Yes, he'd probably knee me again before the night was over, but my motto last night was BETTER MY GUT THAN MY BUTT.

Monday, February 9, 2009

"Golden Slumbers"

Waking up was extremely hard for me this morning. I try to be strong, to not care, to be grateful for what I do have and accept what I don't, to keep the lonely feelings at bay and I do a decent job of it most of the time, but resolve doesn't always reach one's dreams.

Waking up was extremely hard for me this morning. I can smile at kids and play with them. I can baby-sit and help feed and care for them, but in the end they go back to their real parents. In the end all they really want is their mom to play, their mom to cheer them up after a tumble, their mom to snuggle and hold them close. All they really want is their mom and the nice lady from earlier is forgotten. They don't need me. And in the end all I really want is for somebody to need and want me that much, for us to belong to each other.

Waking up was extremely hard for me this morning. There was a world, a world in which I was pregnant and round and happy, a glimpse into a life that knew what it felt like to wait, but didn't have to anymore. Surroundings were abstract, but I wasn't, Gary wasn't, and . . . . . . my baby wasn't. My baby. I gave birth, my belly was gone, the pain was gone, and in my arms was my perfect baby with fingers and toes, the biggest blue eyes and wisps of light hair. An overwhelming feeling flooded through me. I didn't have to give this child back to anyone because he was ours, was mine. It was so vivid, so real that I can still see his beautiful face and remember his weight in my arms.

Waking up was extremely hard for me this morning because I was finally a mother . . . . . . . and then I wasn't. I cried. Moments like these make me realize that I want a child much more than I let on, even to myself.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Pineapple

Excerpt of a phone conversation with my favorite nurse whom we'll call G.

ME: Yeah I just wanted to make sure that I received the right dosage. The nurses at the other clinic got me all mixed up.

G: Don't worry, you did and I'll call your pharmacy to put in an order for your next dose.

ME: Oh one more question. I know that side effects will be different for each person and what affects one may not apply to another, but I was wondering when I should start noticing a difference?

The latest treatment my doctor prescribed had me really anxious in the weeks leading up to the first injection and I'm not talking can't wait anxious, I mean nervous wreck anxious. I've been a mess not because of the actual treatment, but because of the POSSIBLE side effects. The horror stories I've heard from friends who were on this drug made me certain that I was doomed to 6 months of headaches, hot flashes, bone density loss, extreme moodiness, and . . . . . . um . . . . ahem . . . loss of appetite. I could deal with most everything, but I was really concerned about the extreme moodiness. My PMS weeks are no prancing through meadows catching butterflies experiences. I get very irrational and though I know I'm PMSing, it's really hard to control the flashes of anger and the unexplained sobbing. Each time I go through this it shaves a year off of my husband's life, so you can imagine my apprehension with a drug that could potentially have me PMSing for 6 MONTHS STRAIGHT. Gary would be dead before he turned 50, that is, if our marriage survived! Gary convinced me that he would be understanding and patient if I went physco on him and we even came up with a code word that he could use to bring me back down to the rational world of thought. So I finally went through with my first injection on January 14th and thus far I haven't noticed any major changes in my moods or temperature. Still uneasy and having a couple of questions about my injection anyway, I called my nurse G.

ME: Yeah I just wanted to make sure that I received the right dosage. The nurses at the other clinic got me all mixed up.

G: Don't worry, you did and I'll call your pharmacy to put in an order for your next dose.

ME: Oh one more question. I know that side effects will be different for each person and what affects one may not apply to another, but I was wondering when I should start noticing a difference?

G: Let's see, you received your shot on the 14th? Yeah it's been two and a half weeks, you would have already been experiencing side effects by now.

I hung up the phone. No moodiness or hot flashes! YAAAAAY! Then I started to cry. Oooook, so maybe I'm not out of the woods yet. I have a hard believing that with what they're doing to my hormones that I'm not going to suffer some sort of repercussions in the next 6 months, but I'm going to be grateful for every day that passes by without the above torture. Just know that if you smile at me and I burst into tears or I start yelling at you for standing to close to me that you can always say "pineapple" and that might cause my brain to function rationally long enough for me to apologize.