Friday, March 20, 2009

An Optimist With Experience

Why is it that so many of life's experiences fall short of my expectations?

I hoped for my knight in shining armor to arrive home on a white horse ready to shoulder my burdens, but instead received a sun-burned husband covered with bug bites who was just as overwhelmed and exhausted as I was and not prepared to be as sensitive to my woes as expected. And the past week I've been all Whoa, what's your problem? What's up with this impatience thing? Do you not understand what I've been going through? Why are you not CATERING TO MY EVERY WHIM AND DESIRE? To which he responded with a blank stare and then You're on crazy old lady medication that's messing with your hormones and you think it's me?! That's amazing. YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND! And all I can say is Yeah, so what?! All the more reason to CATER TO MY EVERY WHIM AND DESIRE. Not a very convincing argument on my part I realize after taking a step back. Those research doctor know-it-alls should have listed WILL IMPAIR YOUR RATIONAL THINKING DRAMATICALLY among the possible side effects of said crazy old lady medication.

But drugs or not, I've always had a tendency to set unrealistic expectations without meaning to. Well, they proved to be unrealistic each time they passed by unmet anyway. I weave ideal scenarios through my mind, then the contrary occurs leaving me dumbfounded and upset when it could have all gone so perfectly. You simply needed to read my mind and then CATERED TO MY EVERY WHIM AND DESIRE.

I'm sure it has everything to do with over-thinking a situation, not unlike hearing about a new movie in excess. "That was the best movie ever! You HAVE to see it!" "I seriously cried through the entire show it was so moving." "WHAT?! You haven't watched it yet? I was at the midnight showing and it was AWESOME!" Then you walk out of the movie theater two weeks after the film's release feeling unsatisfied, unimpressed and a little sad. Wasn't it supposed to be so much more? What went wrong? You determine all your friends and family must be delusional liars because it was decent, but it wasn't the GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME when in truth you'd be among the ranks of the delusional liars if it had been you at the midnight showing two weeks earlier because you would've viewed the film with less biased eyes. Minimal expectation therefore more room for genuine liking, less for disappointment. Although, the Twilight movie did exceed my expectations of awfulness. I anticipated it to be bad, but not THAT bad.

It's a bit pessimistic, but dropping my expectations altogether I suppose would dodge some of the disappointments. If I assume things are going to fail miserably then I can't get too worked up when they do indeed fail, right? But that's where I struggle. Aren't we to hope for the best? To think good thoughts? Be optimistic? Grandpa Marshall says that a pessimist is simply an optimist with experience and some days I think WHAT A WISE, WISE MAN. Gary tells me to expect the unexpected so I won't get so upset when things don't pan out and I'm all but you're so PREDICTABLE sometimes! Unexpected, yeah right.

It's a tough balance to find and surely not one I've discovered, hence the above lamentations. For now I'm maintaining that my happiness lies in everybodys' ability to CATER TO MY EVERY WHIM AND DESIRE* thus setting myself up for further failure and another dose of disappointment. Unless of course you'd all like to prove me wrong? I could REALLY use $20,000 and a foot rub.

*was all caps subtle enough for a subliminal message or should I bold it as well?


♥ Somebody Loved ♥ said...

Your desire to be catered to...
is almost the same as my thinking that I can control everything.

It has taken me many years to realize that I have control over NOTHING.

honey if you think a man can read your mind. Wrong. It is NOT gonna happen. At least that is what my hubby tells me.


Once again my advice: Breathe in and out. Smile. Enjoy the Journey... Now! As Pres. Monson says.


Meka said...

How about some ice cream!? YOU NEED THAT! When are you coming to vegas again? I'm taking you to cold stone for an early birthday present since you wont be here in Aug!
I love the book you got Eden, it's inspired me to write my own called that's not my rat, it has TWO eyes.