Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Help! I'm suffering from a silent and unseen illness that is chewing up my brain, sucking all the good juices and then spitting it back out again and it's really messing with my life. My brain has the capacity of a cave man, of an ostrich, of an amoeba. I'm not sure when the brain deterioration began, but I do know that at this rate I'm not going to survive much longer. You see, I can't seem to remember anything. ANYTHING. People suffer brain farts from time to time and that's normal, but my brain has diarrhea. It's a condition I refer to as OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND. Even though it's kind of self-explanatory, I'll expand on your definition to illustrate just how serious this is.

Gary and I live off of cereal, string cheese, and popcorn. I am not even joking. The amount of cereal we consume is embarrassing and I bet really unhealthy and it's not because of a lack of other food options, it's because the other food options aren't directly in front of my face when it's time to eat. I'll buy fresh fruit and veggies, stick 'em in the produce drawers in the refrigerator and then completely forget about them in a matter of minutes. The produce drawer is where fruit and veggies get sent to die in my home. They could have had a pleasant and meaningful existence elsewhere, but instead I bought 'em up to suffer a slow and painful death in the comfort of my 38 degrees fridge.

We moved last October to a place with minimal storage space which spawned an intense reevaluation of our stuff. We could only take our most treasured belongings and I mapped out a spot for each item. Kitchen appliances here, books there, the nine hundred and five computer cables Gary owns here. It was the late spring cleaning that resulted in two full truck loads to the dump, dozens of boxes to D.I., and the little that was left to their assigned seats in the new apartment. Naturally after all of that I should remember what we brought with us, right? Well, I've been feeling the need for a new pair of comfy pajamas, some that are a light weight, breathable, soft and silky. It's been warming up and my fleece pjs are too hot and heavy to lounge around in. So the other day I'm digging through a drawer (looking for a really cute beanie that has disappeared) and discover a pair of comfy pajamas, that are a light weight, breathable, soft and silky. A pair of pajamas that before we moved was my lounge wear of choice for the past 3 years. I HAD NO RECOLLECTION THAT I OWNED SUCH AN ITEM UNTIL THIS POINT. I'm serious guys, how does one forget their favorite pjs?

Now before you tell me that it's understandable because HELLO, YOU'RE MOVING TO DOMINICA, you need to know that this out of sight, out of mind business has been going on for some time, say like six months, way before I knew I was going anywhere. I don't even get the luxury of blaming it on the mommy brain.

I got a text from somebody wanting me to relieve them of one million dollars and because I didn't respond that second, instead slipped my phone into my pocket, POOF! It's like it never even happened. Like magic. I missed my window of financial opportunity. Ok not really, but it's what has been happening with so many of my other texts. So no worries if I don't respond to your call or text one day, I simply set my phone down and then FORGOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

This disease is not without its saving graces though because when I do suddenly remember or find an item, it's usually welcomed back (except the moldy green leaf lettuce, it gets trashed) with open arms and an exclamation along the lines of HOW COULD I EVER FORGET YOU!

So I think I have a husband named Gary who went to Guatemala on the 27th of February and the original plan was for him to return home on the 8th of March, but somehow he ended up staying for an additional week and so this has all been swallowed by the monster eating my gray matter. And Gary has very much been out of sight, out of mind this week and I'm at home adjusting to life as a single wife. Huh? Gary who? I can completely see myself this coming Sunday as Gary steps off the plane disheveled, eyes red and looking stoned due to lack of sleep being all HOW WILD! I totally have a husband who shares his food with me and warms up my side of the bed before I get in. WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE!

It's gonna be great.